Skin-baring outfits, curvaceous physiques and vampish choreography combine to define the Pussycat Dolls. As a 24-year-old unmarried male, it was philosophically, socially and biologically inconceivable to reject a free pass to the group’s concert in Jakarta last Tuesday.
I pretty much got what I went for and I’ll be frank — it wasn’t the foxy ladies’ vocal abilities. I could’ve had 100 percent soundproof earplugs and enjoyed the night regardless. It was the skimpy clothing, drool-inducing moves and overall sexual air that took me to a state of delirium.
A line from the Dolls’ most popular song, “Don’t Cha,” led me to a round of self-contemplation. Perhaps addressing all the straight guys in the universe, the catchy line goes, “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?”
I immediately imagined myself dating a girl as hot as Nicole Scherzinger, queen of the feline dolls. First, let me define what I mean by the Pussycat Dolls kind of hot.
First, it is Nicole’s perfect-10 body, impeccably toned muscles and exquisite exotic skin, which could justifiably force Merriam-Webster to add the word “Nicolicious” to its lexicon.
Moreover, a Nicole-like girlfriend knows how to dress. By that I mean in accordance with the unspoken standards of a testosterone-driven world where less is actually more.
Last, the hypothetical hot girlfriend is someone who gets down on the dance floor with all the energy and moves of a fully clothed stripper.
During the concert, I silently screamed in the snap of a finger, “Yes I do!”
But after more postperformance thought, I realized my first answer was rather impulsive.
Romancing someone like Nicole in Indonesia may not be such a good idea. We live in a country that is home to myriad extremists and conservatives who take things into their own hands if they perceive something to be challenging their beliefs. In this environment, some groups may fervently object to my girlfriend’s hotness.
When a local version of Playboy entered Indonesia in April 2006, some Muslim groups vehemently condemned the magazine for publishing indecent materials, specifically pictures of scantily clad models. The Islamic radicals claimed that the magazine was “moral terrorism.”
Let me remind you that the Indonesian version of Playboy contains zero nudity.
In 2008, one of Indonesia’s leading dangdut singers, Dewi Persik, was banned from performing in Tangerang, Bandung and Depok by the respective mayors because her dancing and costumes were deemed too vulgar and an invitation to moral decay. When the mayors were asked the justification behind the prohibition, they said it was based on “public demand.”
With such societal precedents in Indonesia, I ponder the different scenarios that might occur vis-a-vis my hypothetical relationship with someone as hot as Nicole. First scenario: We have entered the era of social networking Web sites where not having a Facebook account is equivalent to social harakiri. Hence, on my Facebook account, I post pictures of my luscious girlfriend wearing her skimpy and skin-tight clothes.
The portraits of my sexy girlfriend somehow reach the attention of a radical group. And suddenly, angry mobs come to her house, condemning her indecency based on the Facebook photos, and the protest escalates violently as they throw rocks at her house, parallel to what they did to Playboy’s office.
The group subsequently takes legal action against my girlfriend. Like Playboy’s chief editor, my girlfriend would probably be acquitted of the charges but would she ever feel safe walking around the city while maintaining her image as a hot girl? Could she go to the mall wearing super-short pants and a cleavage-revealing tank top without having to worry about being harassed?
Second scenario: My girlfriend and I go to a nightclub. Not only is she wearing a sexy outfit, but let’s not forget that she dances like the members of the Pussycat Dolls, with all the attendant sexually suggestive and provocative moves.
Judging by what happened to Dewi Persik, it is not impossible that officials of the local government would prohibit my hot girlfriend from dancing if they deem her moves too vulgar, under the pretext of “meeting public demand.”
So, the next time the Pussycat Dolls ask “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” in Indonesia, my final answer would be “absolutely not!”
